The idea of having “situationships with cities” is so true, Nishad. It appropriately encapsulates the emotional loopholes many of us use to avoid accountability while still claiming belonging. I see how ancestry is treated not as a guarantee of rootedness but as a narrative shortcut, and how lived participation is shown to matter more than origin stories. <3
Ah, thank you so much Simran. So well said - completely agree about how narrative is often used as a narrative shortcut. Really happy you liked the piece <3
This is the sad truth of your generation. That obvious belonging, based on committment is missing. Till now it exists for your parents, but in the future even tha t may go. I think you should try to strengthen the link with your country of birth.......
Places are like people. If you stay away long enough from one place, it changes during that time. But much like how we freeze people in time from when we know them (in our minds), we do the same with places too. So it's doubly shocking when we meet those places later, in a different age, having their own arc of growing up. We feel cheated almost, as if the place owed it to us to remain in stasis, a photograph in time.
This resonated with me so much! Especially the idea of life vs. inheritance. I feel so strange about going back to the U.S. because I don't have the life, and the inheritance itself is pretty sketchy. We never had the sense of being connected to some kind of deep history or culture.
There are also many cities, such as Istanbul, that I've had situationships with without even living there. It felt disingenuous to love a place so much though I had never lived there (committed, as you say) but I've grown more comfortable with the idea.
Ahh I’m so glad this resonated with you because I know we’ve briefly talked about being third culture kids who’ve moved around.
I actually felt exact same with Istanbul and have only spent a grand total of a week there throughout my life. A lot of Italian cities also made me feel that way, but most likely because I think they’re the Western equivalent of India (with much better coffee).
Wonderful essay! I am bookmarking this because I know I will return to it. This matter of trying to understand what is one's 'home' is quite close to my heart, as we've discussed. :)
As someone who’s been living in different cities for the past 3 years and shifting to another city next month, I could relate to it so much!! Beautifully written
This essay resonated with me in many ways. Ditto on being Goan through ancestry but not being able to claim native status! The answer to your last quandary though, I feel, is politics and civic action. If you get drawn into the action needed to make your community, your surroundings better, however small that might be, you start belonging in a far deeper way. Maybe I’ll write about how this panned out for me sometime but just wanted to put that thought out there for now.
I loved how you refuse the fantasy of a singular home. That belonging isn’t just about where you’re from, but about how willing you are to stay and be shaped by a place. Beautifully said.
Maybe we belong to all the places we want to belong to? Fortunately cities, unlike partners, do not demand exclusivity. I guess cities are more like aunts. You can have many and they love you even if you don’t show up to every family event.
Beautifully written. This stirred up so many emotions for me as well. Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you so much Liz. I'm so happy it resonated with you!
The idea of having “situationships with cities” is so true, Nishad. It appropriately encapsulates the emotional loopholes many of us use to avoid accountability while still claiming belonging. I see how ancestry is treated not as a guarantee of rootedness but as a narrative shortcut, and how lived participation is shown to matter more than origin stories. <3
Ah, thank you so much Simran. So well said - completely agree about how narrative is often used as a narrative shortcut. Really happy you liked the piece <3
This is the sad truth of your generation. That obvious belonging, based on committment is missing. Till now it exists for your parents, but in the future even tha t may go. I think you should try to strengthen the link with your country of birth.......
So true. That’s the aim — to strengthen the bond with India.
Thanks for sharing :)
Thank you Abhishek!
Places are like people. If you stay away long enough from one place, it changes during that time. But much like how we freeze people in time from when we know them (in our minds), we do the same with places too. So it's doubly shocking when we meet those places later, in a different age, having their own arc of growing up. We feel cheated almost, as if the place owed it to us to remain in stasis, a photograph in time.
So so well said - places change just as people do! :)
This was lovely. Thanks for writing!
Thank you Ronak!
This resonated with me so much! Especially the idea of life vs. inheritance. I feel so strange about going back to the U.S. because I don't have the life, and the inheritance itself is pretty sketchy. We never had the sense of being connected to some kind of deep history or culture.
There are also many cities, such as Istanbul, that I've had situationships with without even living there. It felt disingenuous to love a place so much though I had never lived there (committed, as you say) but I've grown more comfortable with the idea.
Ahh I’m so glad this resonated with you because I know we’ve briefly talked about being third culture kids who’ve moved around.
I actually felt exact same with Istanbul and have only spent a grand total of a week there throughout my life. A lot of Italian cities also made me feel that way, but most likely because I think they’re the Western equivalent of India (with much better coffee).
Wonderful essay! I am bookmarking this because I know I will return to it. This matter of trying to understand what is one's 'home' is quite close to my heart, as we've discussed. :)
Hehe thanks Rohan — can’t wait to read your views on ‘home’ soon too!
As someone who’s been living in different cities for the past 3 years and shifting to another city next month, I could relate to it so much!! Beautifully written
Thanks so much Jai. All the best for your upcoming move!
This essay resonated with me in many ways. Ditto on being Goan through ancestry but not being able to claim native status! The answer to your last quandary though, I feel, is politics and civic action. If you get drawn into the action needed to make your community, your surroundings better, however small that might be, you start belonging in a far deeper way. Maybe I’ll write about how this panned out for me sometime but just wanted to put that thought out there for now.
Thanks so much, and yes you’re right. Getting involved in civic life is a good way to get involved. Please do write about your experience!
I loved how you refuse the fantasy of a singular home. That belonging isn’t just about where you’re from, but about how willing you are to stay and be shaped by a place. Beautifully said.
Thanks so much Apoorvaa! 🤍
Maybe we belong to all the places we want to belong to? Fortunately cities, unlike partners, do not demand exclusivity. I guess cities are more like aunts. You can have many and they love you even if you don’t show up to every family event.
Love the idea that cities are like aunts! I agree, need to embrace the polygamous relationship with all the cities.
Wow- "Situationships with cities"- what a read!